May all my dirt stain you- guest post from France

May all my dirt stain you soon
A few lines of dope for you to know.... Does it worth It? I don’t think so.
But I need them to think,
Coz they make me speak...
And I want you to know Coz you make me sick.
I ve been a prostitute, my mistake an escort girl,
A precious classy type one but I’m still a whore
Made of your blood & sharing the same last name on our mail
 Also making true your dream of a five stars hotel lifestyle
I’ve been a drug dealer, a cocaïne Hustler,
Carrying my stuff around in Paris by Night in my underwear,
I didn’t know the cold, couldn’t remember the pain,
Filling up my fancy bra with Sir Money and Brothers Dollars
To buy myself the same designer bag as yours,
So, Auntie, I’ll never be ashamed of my non possessions again.
When I was daddy’s little girl, doing it all well,
For the sake of your love, I even didn’t get a phone call, I fought most of my life, penniless, studying hard
I ve cried each night out of 15 years. Noone cared. 
Praying for my dad to come back & take me home 
Rage & Despair fed me while you never came...
A few lines of dope for you to know.... 
Does it worth It? I don’t think so.
But I need them to think,
Coz they make me speak...
And I want you to know Coz you make me sick.
I’ve been a junkie, a real one, involving needles
Holes in the arms, scars all over the body, empty Eyes.
And at the end of my spoon, next to my last fix available,
I often feel the same while the flesh is pierced by the syringe, It all comes clear.
 I weep like a poor little thing,
So Daddy doesn’t love me, they all never did. They never will.
I’ve always been bisexual, For as long as I remember
My first crushes were for classmates, I was their hidden Lover Silencious as well... 
Then a boyfriend turned me into swapping
And I’ve tried to fuck as many women as did my father, cheating
On us. Sexually, I m into girls. My Love has no Gender,
At least I m all about Love, while your sons feel like they had no mother.
When I was the pride of mummy, & teachers,
They named me the queen of Competitive Exams.
I’ve also been a bit of a beauty pageant.
 I won prices & awards But none of my people never came to applause...
So what’s the point of a success
When around there’s none
To tell you well done.
It Made emptiness
So real I couldn’t bounce again.
I met my delusions so plain...
It was no option
To go on....
A few lines of dope for you to know.... Does it worth It? I don’t know.
But I need them to think,
Coz they make me speak...
And I want you to know Coz you make me sick.
Now I’m proud & I’m strong, I’m a waste & I am a mess & I’m all yours !
This is my revenge.
And I did all that shitty Money by my own, Since this is all that matters..
& If I’m out of cash tomorrow
I’ll carry on with one of these businesses
 But this will be my last dance
As you never let me a chance...
I ended up deciding to live in peace
And without hate nor rage I m pissed Destructing myself for a bit of cash
So it won’t be long before I turn into ashes...
I ll change a bit of my pain against your shame I wish all my dirt to stain
You soon so you’ll know
All the truth about So...`
So
E-S A-S 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Black Tar Heroin 10 questions answered

Image
I want to get this in one place. Here you go When was the film made? The film was made from Dec 1995 to Dec 1997. Originally the film was supposed to be for one year but I believe when HBO picked up the film they wanted two years. How were you picked for the film? Steven met a bunch of different people at the youth needle exchange. He wanted subjects that were slightly younger than me. He filmed a few other people  that never made it into the final film Were you paid for the film? No. I was not paid for the film. he bought me a hotel to stay in for a week and bought me lunch a few times. I think they left some money for me when I was in jail too. Documentary film makers, in general, don't pay their subjects. Was I friends with the other people from the film ? Sort of. I never knew Alice. I met Oreo when he was 15 or 16. He was VERY young when the film was made. His mom used to work the desk in one of the hotels I lived in. Jake and I used to hang out. At one point he had
Read more

Jamie

   Being able to fall apart is a luxury many people don’t have. They carry their burdens until it breaks them.  Miss Jamie was one of the most aesthetically pleasing  women I had ever seen in my life. She simply glowed. When she entered a room, everyone had to stop to pay attention. She took that space over. Her smile was radiant. Her energy was infectious. She was a fireball of a human. Her petite frame was always draped with carefully selected skirts, dresses, and form fitting sweaters. She paired this with her signature plum lipstick and acrylics.  She always came late in the day, usually when I had the lowest energy. Yet, I never refused her entrance. I was happy to see her. Happy to listen to her while she held court in my desk area.      On this day, Jamie was wheeled into the clinic by a person I had never seen before. Instead of scrubs, he looked as if he had woken up on the streets. He looked left like a caretaker, more like a person in need of our services. Our patients i
Read more

Another chapter in dopesick love

"Hand me the alcohol wipes" I reach over the bed " this is finally starting to drain" He hand me two packets of alcohol pads.  "Damn Tracey. How many fucking times are you going to do this to yourself?" That question rang in my mind for a month to come. I had been performing surgery on myself. I was laying on the bed of our hotel room. We had hustled all day to get the $35 we needed to stay here tonight plus money for dope. Soon, we will have to do the whole thing all over again. For now, I needed a place where I could take off my pants. I needed to lance this abscess to get the pressure off. It wasn't getting all that red or hard but it hurt to walk. I knew the signs. I knew when to go to the doctor. I had been there many times before. The clinic would slice me open and send me on my way with some sterile water and gauze to pack my wounds.   I was quite the amateur doctor, at least in my mind. I had taken a new syringe and stuck in the middle of
Read more